RollZero is the website of Pixelsmith, a man from the north of England. He writes funny complaint letters as Chad Bradley; posts angry tech news as Murphy Simmonds; witters about his life in Pix's Column and sends out weekly nonsense in the Electric Letter (sign up for that above).
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Motors Review – Volkswagen GTI

Electric Letter | Pixelsmith

First impressions are excellent. The door opens with a satisfying “open” noise, and the seat with the steering wheel in front of it is shaped well for a human body. Putting the key into the keyhole and twisting it makes the car turn on, and then pushing the foot paddles controls going forward. The aforementioned wheel makes the car turn left and right – though disappointingly there are no strafe controls. A surprising design oversight.

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Electric Letter Reborn

Electric Letter

Welcome to RollZero’s Electric Letter, a diamond-sharp powerbomb of lies arriving in your inbox with the force of a million toddlers. Where have we been for the last f...

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A Letter About Eggs

Chad's Letters

Dear British Egg Information Service - First things first. Thank you ever so much for being involved with eggs. I love eggs. I can stare at them for hours on end before ...

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3D Porn

The Shed

80 per cent of the web is flesh coloured. We can't remember where we heard that statistic - probably our own heads - but it tells us that most of the data pinging across...

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A Man Needs a Hat

Pix's Column

A MAN needs a hat. I think that's written down somewhere, in the big book of things a man needs to own if he is to be considered a man. A hat, that's one. A watch, there...

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Mr Kipling's Sex Life

Pix's Column

MR KIPLING is bad in bed. This bombshell was dropped during a TV ad break last weekend and the sheer shock of it immediately smashed at least three distinct taboos in my...

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Internet Everything

The Shed

Remember internet fridges? Obviously you don't, because they never really happened, but there was a time when they were being touted as the next big thing. The idea was ...

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iRod, Apple dildo

The Shed

Apple should make a dildo. The fancy pants tech giant behind the iPod, iMac, iPhone and now the upcoming iPad has a knack of making stuff we've successfully ignored for ...

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No More Threesomes

Pix's Column

LAST month, I turned into a 30-year-old. This threw up a number of problems, chief among which was the acknowledgement that I am now, irrefutably, an adult and am thus o...

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Videogame Pitches

Random Guff

You know videogames? They're the things you plug into your telly to let you punch terrorists in the face. There's an Xboy and a Plastic Station and a Wiffit for girls th...

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Plotting a Route to Serbia

Geek Adventure

The clock seemed to strike one million before I eventually rose. This was unwise. Today we were to plan our journey from Sweden to Serbia, and a mere glance at the timet...

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Leaving Finland

Geek Adventure

It’s universally acknowledged that Mondays are rubbish. For the Iscaria family, this was the start of a normal working week. Brodos and I felt a million miles from eve...

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Modern Warfare 2

Reviews

1.30am. We're lying belly down on a rooftop, eyeing up terrorists through the sights of our sniper rifle. Damned dirty terrorists, stealing our flag and running off with...

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