RollZero is the website of Pixelsmith, a journalist from England. He writes funny complaint letters as Chad Bradley; posts angry tech news as Murphy Simmonds; witters about his life in Pix's Column and sends out weekly nonsense in the Electric Letter (sign up for that above).
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A Letter About Eggs

Chad's Letters | Pixelsmith

Dear British Egg Information Service - First things first. Thank you ever so much for being involved with eggs. I love eggs. I can stare at them for hours on end before getting bored. I have become so familiar with them that I can successfully identify which end is the pointy one with my eyes closed, using touch alone. I can also guess whether an egg is boiled or not boiled with an accuracy rate of almost 50%. This is how much I like eggs.I am writing to you because I would like to make an enquiry, and I...

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3D Porn

The Shed

80 per cent of the web is flesh coloured. We can't remember where we heard that statistic - probably our own heads - but it tells us that most of the data pinging across...

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A Man Needs a Hat

Pix's Column

A MAN needs a hat. I think that's written down somewhere, in the big book of things a man needs to own if he is to be considered a man. A hat, that's one. A watch, there...

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Mr Kipling's Sex Life

Pix's Column

MR KIPLING is bad in bed. This bombshell was dropped during a TV ad break last weekend and the sheer shock of it immediately smashed at least three distinct taboos in my...

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Internet Everything

The Shed

Remember internet fridges? Obviously you don't, because they never really happened, but there was a time when they were being touted as the next big thing. The idea was ...

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iRod, Apple dildo

The Shed

Apple should make a dildo. The fancy pants tech giant behind the iPod, iMac, iPhone and now the upcoming iPad has a knack of making stuff we've successfully ignored for ...

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No More Threesomes

Pix's Column

LAST month, I turned into a 30-year-old. This threw up a number of problems, chief among which was the acknowledgement that I am now, irrefutably, an adult and am thus o...

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Segway Killer

The Shed

People. Look at people. Aren't they stupid? Look at the way they move, tottering and waddling about on the long, thick arms that stick out of their arses. Legs, they cal...

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Bayonetta

Reviews

Bayonetta's got guns on her feet. She also beats angels to death, wears a catsuit made from her own hair and randomly sprouts butterfly wings from her shoulders, but eve...

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A Letter to Whiskas

Chad's Letters

Dear Pedigree Masterfoods - I frequently buy your Whiskas products, in particular Whiskas pouches. I had always been a fan of the tinned range, but the introduction of h...

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The Worst F*cking Medic

Random Guff

THE WORST f*cking medic: a short play inspired by a special young man who goes by the name of Drummerhero. Determined never to respec Holy, The Burning Crusade's buffs t...

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11 Hours, No Food

Geek Adventure

11 hours on a single train is an interesting prospect. It's crucial to pace yourself and so, like marathon runners preparing our bodies and minds before a race, we analy...

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Reality TV Relapse

Pix's Column

I've been watching Big Brother this year. I think that technically makes me an idiot. I'm easy with that - it's the latest in a 29 year long list of things which makes m...

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