RollZero is the website of Pixelsmith, a man from the north of England. He writes funny complaint letters as Chad Bradley; posts angry tech news as Murphy Simmonds; witters about his life in Pix's Column and sends out weekly nonsense in the Electric Letter (sign up for that above).
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Motors Review – Volkswagen GTI

Electric Letter | Pixelsmith

First impressions are excellent. The door opens with a satisfying “open” noise, and the seat with the steering wheel in front of it is shaped well for a human body. Putting the key into the keyhole and twisting it makes the car turn on, and then pushing the foot paddles controls going forward. The aforementioned wheel makes the car turn left and right – though disappointingly there are no strafe controls. A surprising design oversight.

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Electric Letter Reborn

Electric Letter

Welcome to RollZero’s Electric Letter, a diamond-sharp powerbomb of lies arriving in your inbox with the force of a million toddlers. Where have we been for the last f...

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A Letter About Eggs

Chad's Letters

Dear British Egg Information Service - First things first. Thank you ever so much for being involved with eggs. I love eggs. I can stare at them for hours on end before ...

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3D Porn

The Shed

80 per cent of the web is flesh coloured. We can't remember where we heard that statistic - probably our own heads - but it tells us that most of the data pinging across...

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A Man Needs a Hat

Pix's Column

A MAN needs a hat. I think that's written down somewhere, in the big book of things a man needs to own if he is to be considered a man. A hat, that's one. A watch, there...

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Mr Kipling's Sex Life

Pix's Column

MR KIPLING is bad in bed. This bombshell was dropped during a TV ad break last weekend and the sheer shock of it immediately smashed at least three distinct taboos in my...

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Internet Everything

The Shed

Remember internet fridges? Obviously you don't, because they never really happened, but there was a time when they were being touted as the next big thing. The idea was ...

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iRod, Apple dildo

The Shed

Apple should make a dildo. The fancy pants tech giant behind the iPod, iMac, iPhone and now the upcoming iPad has a knack of making stuff we've successfully ignored for ...

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No More Threesomes

Pix's Column

LAST month, I turned into a 30-year-old. This threw up a number of problems, chief among which was the acknowledgement that I am now, irrefutably, an adult and am thus o...

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Pwnlock in Alterac Valley

Random Guff

FKIN nabs in AVs the worst cos u like tel them wut to do at the start in teh cave like FFS BUFF and TABLE NOW n they stand there liek tards jus DUH I DONT NO WERE THE TA...

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Anti-Fat Gaming

The Shed

Why do you get fat dogs? It's always baffled us. It's not as if they can go down the shops and buy cake or open the fridge and nick all the cheese (unless they're very c...

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Electric Letter #11

Electric Letter

Eleven. Number of Kings. Integer of Princes. Numeral of Czars. Two ones written one after the other, but with the actual value of eleven ones. Who invented that? We take...

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Preists - An Elite Guide

Elite Guides

WORLD of Warcraft has nine character classes. At least, that’s what it says on the box. In fact, the World of Warcraft, like every MMO ever made, has just two characte...

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