RollZero - landing butter side down

Internet Everything

Like the internet? Good, because they're putting it in bloody everything.

Remember internet fridges? Obviously you don't, because they never really happened, but there was a time when they were being touted as the next big thing. The idea was that your fridge would detect when you had run out of things - like milk - and would automatically order you some more via its always-on internet connection. Hey presto, no more shopping.

There were several things wrong with this. First off, it's a bit mental calling out the Tesco van for a pint of semi skimmed. It'd cost you an extra £4. Second, it wasn't clear how the fridge would tell that you'd run out of milk. A camera? What if you left the milk out on the side for an hour? Would the fridge sense it was still in the room? And what if you didn't want any more milk, or you fancied some full fat for a change? You'd have to intervene and reprogramme the fridge.

What's more, you'd have to do that for all your auto order items. You'd remove the last red pepper and have to dive for the keypad to stop it buying you a new one. It'd be chaos.

Internet fridges will happen, though, because this is going to be the decade in which the internet is put in everything. We've already got it in our computers and telephones, and some of us have a cut-down version of it on our games consoles and set top boxes.

But that's just the start of it. Ford has announced it's going to be kitting out a load of its cars with mobile broadband so people don't have to wait to get home before they start masturbating. And TV manufacturers have already started pumping the internet into their posh new tellies in an attempt to convince people who have just shelled out for a flatscreen to buy a new one. There's even going to be Skype, the free internet phone-ish thingy, built into ones by LG and Panasonic this year.

It's not going to stop there. Before long, every electronic gadget in your home will be connected to the internet. Your alarm clock will download the latest times from Switzerland. Your kettle will tweet every time you have a cup of tea. Your lamps will flash when you get poked on Facebook. Your food processor will auto detect what you're blending and look it up on Wikipedia, then cut it to the perfect consistency. Your fridge will automatically order milk whenever your run out.

Actually no, that would be silly.

It won't end at gadgets. Little bits of electronics keep getting smaller and cheaper, so soon they'll be in everything. Your cereal box will deliver the news headlines while Kellogg's jingles play in the background. Your shoes will upload your daily steps to a world ranking board. A device inside your cat will order fresh litter on Amazon after every 20th poo. Your children will have World of Warcraft installed in their minds. It'll be amazing. And horrific. And we'll think it's all completely normal and whinge when it stops working for five minutes.

"Oh for God's sake, we're out of milk. Stupid fridge."