THE WORST F*cking Medic: a short play inspired by a special young man from the Bruces, who goes by the name of Drummerhero. Determined never to respec Holy, The Burning Crusade's buffs to Shadow for PvE were a dream come true.

Baghdad, Iraq

Gunfire and explosions in background

Jones: SARGE! SARGE! It's Johnny... he's... he's dead.
Sgt Barton: No. Jesus Christ no, not Johnny. What the fuck happened?
Jones: It was Drummer - he let the bastard bleed to death. That's the third solider this week.
Sgt Barton: Holy shit Jones, that man is a goddam liability.
Jones: It was horrible Sarge. Johnny was lying there crying for his mom and that shit-for-nothing healer was just sitting in the corner of the fucking hospital looking at porn on the internet.
Sgt Barton: He's the worst fucking medic I've ever seen.
Jones: I know Sarge.
Sgt Barton: DRUMMER! DRUMMER GET YOUR FUCKING ASS HERE NOW.

Drummerhero closes www.yiffstar.com and scurries over

Drummerhero: Hello sir. That's a lovely hat.
Sgt Barton: I'll lovely fucking hat you, you little bastard.
Drummerhero: Thank you sir.
Sgt Barton: I got one question for you Drummer. Why the FUCK did you apply for the medical corps?
Drummerhero: I didn't sir.
Sgt Barton: WHAT?
Drummerhero: I'm dps sir. I've got 41 points in shadow.
Sgt Barton: Well fuck me backwards, does that mean you can't fucking heal? I don't know if you noticed, Drummer, but there's a motherfucking war and we need all the medics we can get.
Drummerhero: Actually sir, I'd be a real asset on the battlefield. With Shadow Weaving and Vampiric Touch I can boost warlock damage and give mana back to the casters.
Sgt Barton: So you're telling me you want to fight?

Drummerhero: Thank you sir. I won't let you down.
Sgt Barton: God help us all.