PART four of the non-stop goldmine of investigative articles which violently force a large, illegal probe directly into every orifice of the glorious men and women of The Bruces, a World of Warcraft guild on the Ahn'Qiraj EU realm.

"On the first day, God created the land. On the second, he flooded the seas. On the third day, the creator scattered forest across his landscape, and on the fourth he rose great mountains from the surface. On the fifth day, he populated his new world with creatures of every species and then, on the sixth day, he created man. On the seventh day, exhausted, he forgot all his keybindings and made Hoofios by mistake. It was pretty much downhill from there." Genesis 1:6.

Hoofios
Hunter

Created in error by God himself, Hoofios is statistically the oldest member of the Bruces. Depending on your religious beliefs, that places him somewhere between 1,500 and 300,000 years old. He is mentioned more than 400 times in the Bible as the root cause of all sin and suffering, but, conversely, hailed as a prophet by Islam and worshipped by Hindus and Buddhists as a god. Scientologists, meanwhile, believe he is the Ninth Commander of the Supreme Army of Zordax and have been trying to kill him since they all went mental in the 50s. They fear he intends to capture and imprison them all then gnaw off their feet. Remarkably, they are correct.