| Videogame Pitches |
| Videogames - Random Guff | |
| Written by Pixelsmith | |
| Wednesday, 06 January 2010 22:44 | |
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We need money. There's a recession on and we've just spent all our bank balance on cheese and spirits, leaving us facing a horrifically skint 2010. So we've decided to put our amazing entrepreneurial skills to proper use by dreaming up the next big thing in the world of videogames. You know videogames? They're the things you plug into your telly to let you punch terrorists in the face. There's an Xboy and a Plastic Station and a Wiffit for girls that does yoga. We think they're going to catch on in the coming year, so there's never been a better time to pitch your ideas to a Games Chef in the hope of making millions of pund. Here are ours. Don't steal them or we'll set fire to your bins. CHURCH ORGAN HERO Rhythm action game in which players must hit keys and pedals in time to various hymns, including classics such as O Come All Ye Faithful, All Things Bright and Beautiful and Glory to God in the Highest, alongside newer hymns like Why Hath My Xbox 360 Broken Again Oh Lord, Let Us Tweet Our Love to Him and Jesus is My Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. Comes with a full sized plastic church organ. ROMCOM VS CAPCOM Extension of the popular Street Fighter Vs franchise featuring stars from romantic comedy films. The likes of Ryu, Ken, Guile and E Honda face off against Jennifer Aniston, Sandra Bullock, Hugh Grant, Sarah Jessica Parker and Ryan Reynolds. Publicity posters feature Chun Li smiling in a wedding dress while Matthew Mcconaughey pokes his head out from behind a door with a goofy "uh oh!" expression.  SUPER GORDON RAMSAY'S KITCHEN NIGHTMARESA platform game in the style of Super Mario Bros or James Pond 2: Robocod, featuring Gordon Ramsay as the crinkly faced hero. He must run and jump through various levels, each themed around a restaurant he has revamped in his TV series. Enemies come in the form of animated ingredients (e.g. a loaf of bread that sprints across the screen or a red pepper that shoots seeds) and angry diners. Each level ends with a face-off against the restaurant's owner, with players selecting insults and putdowns from a dialogue tree. Once the owner has been subdued, Gordon jumps on their head like Mario to kill them and claims their restaurant as his own. JUMBLE SALE SMASH Realtime strategy game with two phases. First phase involves moving around your house from a top-down view, harvesting clothing, cakes, jam and bric a brac within a time limit. Second phase sees you set out your units on a table in the village hall and use them to attack your rivals. Stone-paper-scissors style gameplay setup: cardigans are good against carrot cake but weak against jigsaws; lemon curd is impervious to attacks from woolly hats but vulnerable to Blue Peter annuals. Princess Diana and Prince Charles commemorative wedding plate beats everything. PETRIS Like Tetris but with animals. Square block is a rabbit. Long block is a snake. L shaped blocks are bendy cats and dogs. Really annoying Z-ish shaped blocks are ferrets. Couple of blocks made from five bits instead of four to avoid lawsuits from the Tetris people (ideas: goldfish, tortoise, parrot, chinchilla). Lines squeak when they disappear. Making four lines disappear causes a "Petris" and makes a honk like a puffin. Someone somewhere probably has a puffin as a pet. Did you enjoy these videogame pitches? Then don't miss the RollZero Electric Letter, featuring weekly stuff just like this. Click here to sign up.
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