A Theory of Time
The Shed
Written by Murphy Simmonds   

Snake always wore his trendy necklace

NICE watch - but just what is that's so appealing about measuring time?

Time. Theories differ on what it actually is. Boffins think it’s a dimension. Philosophers argue it’s a way to quantify the complex chain of cause and effect that makes up our world. Flies think it’s is a type of food. Flies think everything’s a type of food.

Ask the man on the street, however, and he’ll tell you that time means something very different. It’s the thing he uses to work out what he’s supposed to do. If it’s 7am, he has to wake up; if it’s 8am, that means he should have left the house; 9am means he should be at work; and so on, throughout the day, until the strike of midnight informs him that he’s already missed a proper night’s sleep, giving him a good reason to feel guilty about letting himself down.

"All that's very useful if you're Bear Grylls and you live in a tree and eat wasps"

You see somewhere, out there in the ether, lies a huge intangible clipboard containing your life’s To Do List. Literally everything you ever need to do is on there, from the slightest insignificant occurrence - throw the milk out, wash your trousers - to the most important events on the human calendar, like getting married or dying. Your parents look after the clipboard for you when you’re growing up, crossing off the items and directing you accordingly. But once you flee the safety and structure of their nest and strike out cluelessly on your own, you realise nobody’s in charge. It’s just you, the clipboard and time, leering out at you from every inch of reality like a big, ticking headmaster with an officious grin and a weird, interdimensional Biro.

If somebody stands on that you've only got yourself to blameIf we take a step back from this analysis, we can see that the man on the street’s view of time is, in fact, broadly similar to that of the philosopher. It’s a yardstick, of sorts, a handy measuring device used to chop up reality into bitesized chunks, with the added bonus that you can also use it to beat yourself around the head.

But love it or loathe it, time would be useless if we couldn’t see the chunks. There are many handy ways to keep tabs on these, from sundials to alarm clocks to simply counting in your head. The new Suunto Core watch series is another. Designed for outdoor types, these timepieces - which celebrate the brand’s 10th anniversary,

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helpfully saving everyone else the trouble - can also interpret the weather via an inbuilt barometer, tell the direction you’re facing via an inbuilt compass, work out your underwater depth via an inbuilt depth meter and affix to your arm via an ingenious inbuilt strap.

All that's very useful if you're Bear Grylls and you live in a tree and eat wasps. For normal people who live in houses and eat sandwiches, they look quite nice and tell you when you’ve missed your bus. Or your wedding.

 
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  1. I don't feel guilty at the strike of midnight instead I choose to blame amusing websites...

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