Murphy Simmonds is not looking forward to 3D porn.

80 per cent of the web is flesh coloured. We can't remember where we heard that statistic - probably our own heads - but it tells us that most of the data pinging across the intertubes is filth. Crazy, eh?

We wouldn't know. The rudest thing we've ever seen is a drawing of a bra that we did ourselves just now. In fact, you'll have to excuse us for 15 minutes.

Right, we're back, 14 minutes earlier than planned. We were making the point that the vast majority of the internet is comprised of adult material. It's a staggering fact, which we have been unable to corroborate because the rudest thing we've ever seen is this drawing of a bra here.

Would you just excuse us for a minute?

We're not sure many people reach the end of a scene only to think: "I wish that was all over my face"Thanks. So, why are we mentioning porn? Well, new information from the future Grand Overlord of All Humanity, Google, reports that search interest in "3D porn" is on the up and up. It reveals a curious and growing hunger for a new breed of skin flicks which will climb off the screen and writhe about in the viewer's actual lounge.

It's hardly surprising. The sex trade is famously responsible for some of the net's biggest advances - internet video and online payments were both directly driven forward by dirty cash, and both have become key building blocks of the modern web. Now that TV makers are rubbing their wallets in anticipation of a 3D revolution, creators and consumers of adult entertainment are rubbing right along with them.

There are plainly problems with this. The most obvious one is that 3D tech earns its crust by having things shoot out of the screen towards you. Avatar did it with sticks and splattering mud, and we were easy with that. But the moment we turn on the telly to have some 'roided-up beefcake jabbing us in the eyeballs with his lob-on is, quite frankly, the moment we give up on life.

And as for the splattering? We're not sure many people reach the end of a scene only to think: "I wish that was all over my face", so the appeal of gobs of the stuff leaping from your 42inch widescreen like salmon up a waterfall has got to be pretty niche.

The underlying concern, however, is that 3D itself is a big white elephant. Not real life 3D space - that's quite useful - but the kind from Avatar. Fair enough, it makes the text pop out, the round stuff look extra round and things placed behind other things look very much like they really are placed behind those other things, but we'd been given to believe that slapping on a pair of techno Buddy Hollies is tantamount to gazing directly into the eyes of God. And there was only one direction that expectation was headed.

The same direction, amusingly enough, as our trousers. We've just noticed that drawing of a bra again.

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