| Naked Flying |
| The Shed | |||
| Written by Murphy Simmonds | |||
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You've never been this naked before.YOU know who's laughing at you? It's not that group of chavs milling around outside the supermarket and spitting on the pavement, although they did discuss your stupid face as you walked past. It's not your boss and all your colleagues, gathering together to mock you the moment you leave the building, although you are the regular topic of groups emails to everybody in the company except you. And it's also not your other half chuckling conspiratorially into somebody else's ear in a cheap hotel room, although actually it is, that is happening, and they are laughing at you, but that's not really the topic of this column so you're just going to have to accept it and move on. "It can probably even tell if you've recently swallowed a coin. We're not sure we like that level of intrusion"Know who it is? Airport staff. They spend their whole day probing their waggling fingers right into our unmentionables. If they're not chortling inwardly at the grizzly mugshot photo which every citizen is obliged to display in their passport, they're rifling through our luggage, rubbing their hands up and down our legs in search of "guns" or, in extreme cases, bending us over a desk and diving elbow deep into our excess baggage compartments with the delicacy of an amateur vet trying to birth a calf made of cocaine. To tell you the truth, that's the main reason we fly. But not everybody likes it, which is why a new device being trialled at Manchester Airport is likely to put off as many people as it impresses. It's a big X-Ray machine which you stand in while somebody off in a room somewhere can see if you've got an Uzi in your pocket or hand grenade in your colon. It could spell an end to the traditional uncomfortable pat down, which we Brits have never quite got used to. But that's only a big positive if you don't mind the idea of a stranger seeing you naked. And it's not just naked. It's super naked, X-Ray penetration so invasive it can pick out not just your privates, but special internal modifications like boob jobs and artificial hips. It can probably even tell if you've recently swallowed a coin. We're not sure we like that level of intrusion. We're giving someone the means to look through our clothes, even slightly through our skin, and then locking them in a room on their own with a monitor, viewing a parade of ghostly naked images. And they'll be laughing all day long. As they gradually go insane. Get a chunk of RollZero delivered direct to your inbox with the weekly Electric Letter. Sign up in the header at the top of this page.
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