| Pointless Gloves |
| The Shed | |||
| Written by Murphy Simmonds | |||
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Enjoy the worst of both worlds with these half-fingerless gloves.You know what ruins touchscreen technology? Clothes. That may sound like a strange claim, and indeed it is, but stay with us. We're heading on an interesting journey into justifying the existence of an odd new gadget accessory, and we're hoping to arrive at some kind of conviction. Here goes! We're rarely happier than when we're pawing at our iPhones. We stand at the bus stop and stave off the boredom by browsing apps and scrolling through our music collection while our fellow passengers gaze emptily down the road. Sometimes we laugh to ourselves. Sometimes we point at the other people and laugh at them. They hate us for it but we don't care. "Everyone will laugh at us at the bus stop because our weird gloves make us look like sex criminals"And when we're walking to the shop to buy a good axe and some hessian sacking, there's little we enjoy more than the feeling of vibration in our trousers that signifies either that a new email has arrived or the batteries in our love eggs have started working. If it's an email, we love to open it there and then and read it as we amble to the store, happy in the knowledge that we will never be free from the cursed grip of technology. But problems loom. Winter is trundling over the horizon like a great frosty killjoy, bringing with it dark nights and finger-aching temperatures. We're starting to worry that our prodding may be cruelly cut short by the chilling bite of the season's sharp air, fingers constrained to pockets lest they wither and die in the cold. Last year, we solved the problem by wearing gloves. This year, those gloves will ruin our iPhone experience by shoving a cloth barrier between our flesh and the screen. In a way, you could say that clothes ruin touchscreen technology. There is a solution, in the form of fingerless gloves. But while these odd garments do facilitate interaction between our digits and the mobile device we wish to manipulate, there is a price to pay. Our fingertips will freeze. So that, in truth, is no solution at all. Praise be, then, for Etre Touchy gloves. These remarkable creations figuratively split the digits into two categories: those we use to prod and those we do not. The former - thumb and forefinger - are fingerless, the rest are fully covered. And thus we arrive at an elegantly simple method of resolving our quandary. Now only our most important digits will blacken and fall off, while the rubbish ones will remain toasty. And everyone will laugh at us at the bus stop because our weird gloves make us look like sex criminals. Problem solved. Get a chunk of RollZero delivered direct to your inbox with the weekly Electric Letter. Sign up in the header at the top of this page.
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