| Screens Are Good |
| The Shed | |||
| Written by Murphy Simmonds | |||
| Tuesday, 15 September 2009 10:10 | |||
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Moral panic! The downfall of modern youth! Sounds alright to us.TEENAGERS spend ages looking at screens. That’s the dramatic revelation of a new nPower report which has found that "the youth" is spending an insane amount of time each day gazing slack-jawed into a screen. Nearly ten hours a day, in fact, which amounts to four solid months every year. That’s a lot. It’s one more sign that our society is spiralling out of control. We are edging ever closer to a terrifying dystopia in which mankind is nothing more than a collection of hideous blubbery lumps lolling around in bed with wires connected to their spinal columns and little beady eyes poking out of the rolls of flab like squashy wet marbles. That’s what the Daily Mail wants us to believe. Well, that’s what the Daily Mail would want us to believe if its readership had the capacity to contemplate possible future worlds - sadly that publication can’t discuss anything of substance in rational terms lest it sends its cow-minded followers into a terrible panic. They’re so used to felching up lumps of their own pre-digested world view that they’d bludgeon you to death as a terrorist the second you mentioned a spaceship. "Excuse us if we’d don’t spend enough time whittling toys and making jam. It’s called progress."You know what? If we all end up as horrific whale people, then that’s fair enough. Whatever our disgusting future selves are plugged into will have to be pretty damn incredible if it’s going to make us forget about real life, and if there’s something that good on offer then we want to be right in the thick of it. So what if we unhook ourselves once a year and weep at what we’ve become? The rest of the time we’ll be playing strip volleyball on a fictional Hawaiian beach with a load of digital Playboy bunnies, so we won’t be too bothered. Of course, we’re going a bit far here. It’s not quite true to say that the more reactionary branches of the press are envisaging something like The Matrix every time they hear about a new blight on modern society. No - what they’re picturing is more like Mad Max. This teenager screen addiction study might not be their work, but it is devised entirely for them, a meaningless hunk of statistical meat they can froth at the mouth about for a while between bouts of xenophobia and features on how red wine delays the menopause. The reason teenagers, and indeed everyone else, is spending so much time in front of screens is because screens are really good these days. They used to have a couple of channels or a few bits of green text and that was it. Now they do everything. TV. Films. Games. Phones. iPods. Computers. It’s no bloody wonder. Excuse us if we’d don’t spend enough time whittling toys and making jam. It’s called progress. 10 hours a day? Roll on 24. Get a chunk of RollZero delivered direct to your inbox with the weekly Electric Letter. Sign up in the header at the top of this page.
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