|Maplin Laser Keyboard|
|Written by Murphy Simmonds|
THE inexorable march of progress means that everything we do now will eventually look stupid. So there's not much point getting excited about a laser keyboard
History has an ugly habit of rubbing man's face in his own stupidity. No sooner has our culture wrapped its collective mind around some concept than a new one comes along to not only replace what has gone before, but make it look downright ridiculous.
Take smoking: once lauded as a jolly pastime for the whole family, it has since been relegated to a niche hobby by the inconvenient but undeniable fact that it makes your lungs fall out. Spark up a crack pipe in a restaurant today and you'll swiftly be asked to stand outside."Technology's exponential progression means we look stupid and lumpen faster than ever before"
Or consider school meals, which first found favour in the hearts of Britons by ensuring the insertion of regular calories into the nation's young. How admirable an aim, yet how foolish it looks in the wake of our advanced knowledge of dietary requirements. Today's children shun lard and refined starch, instead choosing to accompany their voracious appetites for knife crime with five portions of fruit and vegetables a day.
And spare a thought for the typewriter. Whatever happened to that? It barely seems ten minutes since the clack clacking of keys and the reassuring smudge of fresh ink on paper filled offices up and down the country. Yet in 2008 they are nowhere to be seen. Nowadays all typing is performed on devices known as "electrical computers", essentially colour televisions with more buttons and better pornography.
In summary, the past was crap. But don't be fooled into assuming that means we modern types have got it good. In fact, technology's exponential progression means we look stupid and lumpen faster than ever before. It's only a matter of time before today's trends become tomorrow's trash.
Electrical computer keyboards are heading that way sooner than you think, if a new device from Maplin is to be believed. It plugs into your electrical computer a little like a normal keyboard, but instead of flopping onto your desk in a wide, plasticky chunk, it sprays glorious laser light onto the surface to create a pretend array of buttons. It then tracks your finger movement with its weird robot eyeballs and converts it into keystrokes. Thrillingly futuristic, although we can't vouch for its accuracy. Or how not to look stupid using one when the people of 2030 peer back at you through their Timescreens. Inputting text with your hands? Pah! Filthy cavemen.