Dirt Cube Vacuum
The Shed
Written by Murphy Simmonds   

This is what your hair looks like under a microscope

CRUSHING dirt into tiny cubes is pretty much the only innovation which could get us within 20 metres of a vacuum cleaner.

We hate chores. Whether its ironing, dusting, hoovering or feeding our children, we simply refuse to accept that these minor yet regular household tasks are still deemed necessary. Any fool with a calendar can see that its actually 2007, meaning we have every right to expect a Utopian dreamworld to have emerged by now.

"You can just plop the cubes straight into the bin, or stir them into bolognese sauce to add extra oomph"

Yet here we are, in the age of wireless networking, mobile telephony and robot dogs, sending an instant video message to our weird uncle in Japan while simultaneously crawling around on our hands and knees and scrubbing the kitchen floor like a peasant. It's inconsistent, frankly, and we don't like it one bit.

Still, if there's one area which can claim to have made some decent progress, its vacuuming. The Dyson gave homeowners up and down the land a reason to slightly enjoy hoovering for a while, simply by looking like something off Red Dwarf. As an added bonus, it lets you see the hideousness you'd just sucked up off your floor. But although the Dyson may be an ingenious feat of engineering, it doesn't stop you from having to empty the thing. Shaking the dirt compartment out into a plastic bag has filled us with dread since the first time we ever opened the chamber, and the fear shows no signs of abating. The resulting airborne muck that expands rapidly outwards like a Chernobyl dust cloud feels like it's making a beeline for our fragile lungs.

Master Chief liked his new cheek wheelsSo step forward the LG Compressor. Its bag-free and it looks like something off Robot Wars, but its real claim to fame is what it does to the stuff it sucks up. It takes the dust and squashes it into a little cube. How good is that? You can just plop the cubes straight into the bin, or stir them into bolognese sauce to add extra oomph.

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We'd use it to clean the shed, but we're worried we might hoover up a spider. It's bad enough having your eight-legged life ended prematurely by a vacuum cleaner, but getting crushed into a little cube would be the final indignity. We don't hate spiders enough for that. Plus, as we said, we hate chores.

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