X-Men Origins: Wolverine
DS/PC/PS2/PS3/PSP/Wii/X360 (we played the X360 one)
Activision

If X-Men Origins: Wolverine the videogame taught us anything, it's that X-Men Origins: Wolverine the film is rubbish. Being the game of the film, this runny-abouty-fighty jaunt in the metallic toes of the eponymous hero is obliged to dilute its gameishness with a load of annoying plot, otherwise the people who made the film would be all like: "What have you done to our wonderful movie?" when they met the people who made the game. They'd take one look at the repeated fighting sequences and go: "But our film's not about cutting baddies' heads off, it's got a love story in it and that," and the people who made the game would have to go and make the game again, only differently.

That's the stupid thing about videogames based on films. Every single one of them (with the exception of Goldeneye on the N64 and some others we've forgotten) ends up being a little bit ruined by the clammy, waggling fingers of the filmmakers. As far as most of them are concerned, a game is nothing more than merchandise which must not tamper with the brand image.

"Why do you have to press X to make Barbie jump? Barbie is for children and X a pornographic letter. We will not have X in this Barbie game. Also you have to get rid of the bits where she jumps on the platforms because her legs don't have the right hinges for jumping. And don't, under any circumstances, allow people to rename the horse."

That's literally how stupid they are. Imagine working with that when you, the game developer, clearly know so much better than them that if how much you knew and how much they knew were both represented by robots, your robot would be substantially larger. Imagine that.

Oh no! We've written most of the review and we haven't actually reviewed the game. Ok, here goes: you run around killing stuff in a brutal 18-rated fashion, intermingled with some Prince of Persia style puzzles (which are irritating but could be much worse) and then you get some plot, which is as interesting as repeatedly counting your own feet. So it's chop people's heads off, push some blocks around to open doors, swing on a couple of ledges, disembowel some other people, then watch a cutscene, repeated until the game ends.

Is it any good? Weirdly, yes it is. The fighting's seriously entertaining, repetitive but tangible and enjoyably violent. The dull platform-puzzley stuff has the decency to not be too annoying and the plot, which appears to have been structured by a toddler in a tumble dryer, saves you at least £6 by ensuring you never want to see the film. Can't say fairer than that.

7/10

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