Pimp My Toilet

IS YOUR loo too dull? Why not liven it up with a home entertainment centre?

Toilets. Back in what's affectionately known as "the day," the humble toilet had just two functions. Each of these was given a number, and, for a while, everyone was happy and everything was neat, if slightly smelly. But over time, our toilets - and the rooms that contain them - have morphed from simple waste disposal centres to exciting lairs filled with products and possibility. No longer does "going to the loo" mean one of two things. Now a trip to the bathroom can be like a spell in a chrysalis, a crusty hungover Saturday morning caterpillar emerging in a cloud of steam like a beautiful butterfly ready to face the day.

This, at least, is the story for girls. All boys require from the modern WC is a water source, a deep hole and a newspaper on Sundays. But no more! A crackpot American plumbing company is trying to make the bathroom the centre of the modern male abode by subjecting the toilet to a thorough pimpimg.

The result is nothing short of monstrous. The lurid green beast comes complete with an LCD TV, and Xbox 360, a DvD player, a laptop, and ipod, a Tivo recorder and a fridge with a beer tap. Tragically it's not available in the shops - instead, it will be installed at the home of a lucky US prize winner on the country's National Plumber's Day (the birthdday of Mario) on April 25.

A marketing man from Roto-Rooter, the drug-crazed plumbers who devised this, hopes the loo will make people "have a good laugh and think of Roto-Rooter when they need high quality plumbing and drain service." Not bloody likely. Although we'll be sure to give them a call when we want a space shuttle attached to our sink.