Monday April 28 2008

Our train from Copenhagen to Hamburg was at least twice as nice as any train I have ever caught in England. It seemed to be a special, German engineered cross-Europe train aimed at business people. Germany often does things very well - a trait which has proved slightly troublesome in the past, but which fortunately is now something everyone can enjoy. We journeyed in uninterrupted comfort until we reached the sea, at which point our train boarded a ferry and told us to come back in 45 minutes after it had had a sleep.

This was fun. Taking a ferry broadened the range of transport types we had experienced during the trip, which until then had run to planes, trains, buses, cars, human legs and a canoe. We headed upwards out of the bowels of the vessel and into an upper area custom designed to suck the cash from the pockets of bored travellers.

Navigating the ferry turned out to be trickier than we had anticipated. We faltered in front of an automatic door which boasted a large black circular button but no English instructions. Common sense dictated that the button would open the door. But there were no English instructions. We were English. English people need labels, rules, manuals, guidelines pointing us in the right direction so that when things go wrong we know, for sure, that it was somebody else's fault because we had simply followed the instructions. What if this button controlled the emergency stop device? Or, worse still, the plug? We decided not to risk it, instead leaning nonchalantly against a nearby rail, pointedly not staring at the door, until somebody else came and opened it. After about a minute, a particularly old lady approached, prodded the button, then pottered through the open door. She was a braver man than either of us.

We killed some time browsing the duty free shop. I pondered picking up some cheap booze, until I checked the prices. Given that we were coming from Northern Europe, even these discounted spirits were more expensive than I'd pay at home. What's more, we were en route to Serbia, where we'd heard you could pretty much buy a wife and family for half a dozen eggs and a digital watch, so we wouldn't be saving money by spending it here. Instead, we stood above deck gazing into the water, passing fellow ferries and eventually drawing into the windmill-packed coast of Germany.

Inevitably we got lost on the way back to the train, panicking slightly as we clattered up and down a range of unfamiliar staircases. But we found it before the ferry docked, reclaiming our comfortable seats and settling down for the ride to Hamburg.

Next week: Pixelsmith fails to interact with some Germans.

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A Geek Adventure

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