| Electric Letter #6 |
| Electric Letter | |||
| Written by Pixelsmith | |||
Like this? Get it delivered directly to your inbox by popping your email address in the little box up there at the top of the page.RollZero Electric Letter #6 - June 16, 2009 Hello there. You're reading RollZero's Electric Letter - the most technologically advanced chunk of communication since Issac Newton attached a typewriter to a pigeon and threw it in the sea. Each week we bring you an indispensable guide to things you can idly click on while staring slack-jawed at your monitor at work, wishing you were somewhere else. The power of dreams, that's what we give you. It's been a crazy old week for world news. Pop superstar Madonna was shot in the chin, Prime Minister Barack Obama was revealed to be Dolph Lundgren's mother and the Congo Space Project fired a giraffe into space. In Britain, which is we live, half the country's got swine flu and turned into the zombies off of 28 Days Later. Even some Electric Letter readers - we got this tragic email from Lawrence in Surrey: From: larry@ To: This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it Subject: GRAAAARRRGGGHHH Dear Pixelsmith, GRAAAAAARRGGHHHHH AAAAARRRGGGHHHH GRRR GRRRRR KKKKRRAAAAARGHGGHGHHHH ACK ACKKKK EEYYAAAARGHHHH. Kind regards, Lawrence. Our thoughts go out to whatever remains of his family. But that's enough depressing apocalypse news. Read on to discover what's been kicking around on RollZero lately, and what's been going on a selection of lesser websites like Youtube. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- RollZero Guff Chad Bradley returned from his week off with a letter to Stannah stairlifts. It's not the very best of his new batch, but it passes the time. He wondered if his entire house could be networked with stairlifts, to save him having to walk between rooms. http://www.rollzero.com/chads-letters/219 "Why do you get fat dogs?" asks Murphy Simmonds in the latest bit of Angry Tech. He's banging on about a thing you plug into your games console which forces you to walk on the spot like a big idiot. http://www.rollzero.com/the-shed/213-anti-fat-gaming "Screw you, school. You gave me nothing." The Geek Adventure heads into Germany, where Pixelsmith's crappy grasp of the language renders him effectively useless. http://www.rollzero.com/videogames/geek-adventure/207 -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chad's Kitchen - Mushroom Salad Ingredients: 200g small white mushrooms 200ml cooking oil 2 slices of bread, preferably Hovis Salt and pepper to taste Instructions: Take the mushrooms out of the packet. Put the packet in the bin. There will be some dirt on the mushrooms so scrape this off with a shoebrush or your hands. Put the mushrooms in a bowl. Gently sprinkle the cooking oil over the mushrooms and mix it all together. Use a wooden spoon for this if you have one, or a metal spoon if you do not. If you do not have a wooden or metal spoon, use a plastic spoon. Rip the slices of bread into bite-sized lumps and add to the bowl. Mix these in well so they soak up the flavours of the mushrooms and cooking oil. Add salt and pepper to taste. Take off your shoes and socks so it feels like a special event. Eat and enjoy. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Links from the Hypertube Wee Times You know how it is. You're sat at the cinema shoving Revels into your face when your bladder sends a message to your brain. What to do? Do you wait it out, potentially marring your enjoyment of the rest of the film, or do you make a break for it and scramble to the loo in the hope you don't miss anything important. RunPee may be the answer. This site catalogues the perfect moments to run to the bog during the latest movie releases. No use for us, mind - we just wear a big nappy. http://runpee.com/ Sugar Mash Now that The Apprentice has buggered off the airwaves and Yasmina has been chucked down whatever hole it is that the winners get chucked down, we've been consoling ourselves with Cassetteboy's remix of Sir Alan Sugar. Especially the bit where he says: "Quite frankly I'm shitting frying pans, cocktail sticks and things like that." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yxi6QDwQyLU Twitter Trends Twitter's a great amorphous mass of miniature rambling and we've got no bloomin idea what everyone's blibbering on about most of the time. We found a site that finds popular topics and then explains why you should care. http://whatthetrend.com/ Extreme Rice This made us laugh. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sf8cM7f6P2I Cheap Motivation What would a motivational poster from Tesco's Value range look like? This, probably. http://uploads.omega.org.uk/Tesco-Value-Motiv.png -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ear Cake We've been rediscovering DJ Shadow of late. We used to love him back in 1942 when we were out fighting the Nazis. We went off him during the 50s, but only because nobody had invented music videos yet. Then we fell back in love again because of things like Rabbit in Your Headlights by UNKLE. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cud_k9f6tqk&feature And while we're mumbling on about DJ Shadow, we should point you in the direction of this live remixy version of Blood on the Motorway. Sound ain't perfect and it's proper long. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zAZVoXzEoDM&feature Midnight in a Perfect World is also a bit good. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nmzHRGoKca0 And you know what? So's Building Steam with a Grain of Salt. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ld_tF1AXqs -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Angst/Fantasy Angst/Fantasy is the category which the following story from Fanfiction.net belongs to. What a great category! And what a great story - it's a sinister tale about the crazy girls from Bratz and some poisoned biscuits. We've added paragraph spacing in an attempt to make it possible to understand. Series of totally not rockin events By sammisu Link WARNING: IF YOU HATE STORYS WITH UNLUCKY/UNFORTUNATE EVENTS, DO NOT CONTINUE!! Sachiru is not part of the bratz; she is actually me(exept im not a ghost, and my name is not sachiru. but shes supposed to do what i would do if i was in the story). Also in this story the bratz are in college. There seniors and there 22 years old. “Hey Cherrie!” Nazalia says to Ailani as the girls meet in the school’s janitor office’s giant bucket (full of soapy water, bugs, and things of that sort). Where are superstar and sweetheart? I have a surprise for everyone!” Where right here! In the OTHER bucket.” Talia and zada giggle behind Ailani and Nazalia. “Check this out!” says Nazalia. She pulls out a paper out of nowhere and shows it to the girls, who happen to have lost there virginities when the were 11. “There’s going to be a music festival with our least favorite band playing 2 whole seconds of our least favorite song!”(Which is the theme song to ‘bratz’) “Awesome!” the lil bratz cheer. All day at school, the lil bratz cant stop thinking about how the concert is two whole seconds. “Man, that’s long.” Says nazalia walking out of the school building with the other lil bratz. It takes about 5 hours for them to get outside, with pieces of dirt on there head that they put there when they were cleaning the cafeteria. It takes about five hours to get to Ailani’s house, and when there there, they decide to change into some stupid clothes. When there there, they change into handmeups from there little sisters, which are torn up and dirty (there clothes, not there sisters). They decide to go shopping in these clothes and ask people if there ugly. When there at the mall, they head straight for the music store, and wait in the long line. It takes about two years to get the tickets. “There are a dozen tickets left, but I can only give you guys three because this is supposed to be a sad story.” Says Sachiru, the ticket seller. The lil bratz just assume sachiru is crazy, and buy the tickets. After they buy the tickets, they go to the clothing store, and come out whereing the ugliest clothes there, deciding to where it to the super stupid concert. The next day in the school cafeteria, the lil bratz are hanging in the school cafeteria when ailani asks the other lil bratz if any of them would not be able to go to the concert even if they DID have enough tickets for all of them. Nazalia gets supersad and starts to cry. “I CANT GO, I NEED TO BAKE SOME POISON COOKIES FOR THE BAKE SALE!!” Ailani pretends to be sad about it and comforts Nazalia. “I would take pictures for you, but I cant use my camera because I broke it unpurpose.” Nazalia goes to the mall with her cookies and gives them to sachiru. Sachiru frowns. “There poison, you eat them. I mean, im already dead anyway but poison is just gross. You eat them.” Sachiru was dead and walking, because she got a new body, but shes still dead, and Nazalia new this because of her pailness and coldness. The girls who managed to have been able to go to the concert went to the concert. Theres an announcement that the best dressed people at the concert will get backstage passes. The lil bratz win the backstage passes, but then loose them and can’t get backstage. Sachiru finds the backstage passes and goes backstage, and meats her fave rock band and the rock band goes with sachiru to the mall to buy some bratz DVDs. So i guess sachiru is supposed to be lucky in this story. btw- shes a ghost. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Scoot Scooting is like scramming but with a more circular motion, and it's exactly what you're going to do right this minute. Stop reading this text, shut your email software, turn off the computer and get the hell out of our house. We've had it up to here with you and your get rich quick schemes. Send us a link, or say hello: contact at rollzero dot com Follow us on Twitter: @chadbrad, @pixelsmith or @gm_wint Remove us from your lives: [SUBSCRIPTIONS] --------------------------------------------------------------------------
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