The RollZero Electric Letter smashes its fat face through the digital letterbox of more people each week than you could fit on a normal sized coach. That's almost 15 billion in total. This week, Chad Bradley's poetry brings some artistic flair to a series of annotated video links, a bit of music and some more bad fan fiction. Subscribe at the top of this page. That's an order.

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Big Large Eye on the Webnet

Time lapse ship
A bit mesmerising. Great hefty boat chugging down a ship channel at night, but with photos taken at six second intervals so it's fast instead of boring. It's got no sound, mind, so stick something nice on while you look at it. Like Paris, Texas by the Gotan Project.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Xstd3_0usI

Crashy slidey bikes
This is entertaining. There's some kind of sporting event called the Earth Superbicycle Contest and lots of the men on the superbicycles fell over because of some oil. They're all alright so you don't need to feel guilty. In fact crashing just seems to make them angry. It makes normal people dead.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_08p-414uGY

Pirate Bay still cheeky
Interesting if you've been following the Pirate Bay case, which saw BitTorrent's most prominent champions fined a couple of million in cash money (30 million Swedish queenheads) for copyright badness. They're hoping their method of payment will end up costing the receiving law firm more than the total fine.
http://www.blogpirate.org/2009/05/10/pirate-bay-founder

Nice looking spinny thing
Load of coloured water going through a plastic wotsit. And it's got some good electrical music as the soundtrack, which basically makes us like anything at all.
http://vimeo.com/3599345

Cup stacking "boy"
Blatantly a robot.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LyU5v0ZYMj

Music what we like
Yeah it's a bit old now but dammit we love the noise it makes. Groove Armada - Paris.
http://songza.com/~prt50j

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Ends

When we started writing this email it was 10pm. Now it's 1am and what do we have to show for it? A load of bloody text and some hyperlinks. We could have watched a film in this time. One and a half films even. But that's the problem with the internet. You get sucked in. Stupid internet.

Know what isn't stupid about the internet? You! Beautiful and intelligent and special recipients of the greatest electric letter since the term "electric letter" was coined seven long days ago. We love you. Why not return that love by emailing us stuff, or getting other people to sign up, or cutting off your thumb and sending it to us in a box.

Send us a link, or say hello: This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it
Follow us on Twitter: @chadbrad, @pixelsmith or @gm_wint
Remove us from your lives: [SUBSCRIPTIONS]

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But wait!

We enjoyed copying and pasting Squirrelking's incredible Halo: Halos in Space 2: Aliens Attack last week that we went in search of some more bad fan fiction. But we couldn't find anything as entertaining as Squirrelking, so we're bringing another of his tales to you. We'd give you some of the back story but it's not really necessary.

Half-Life Full-life Consequences: Free Man - by Squirrelking
(from here)

John Freeman backfliped out of the sky and landed besides Henry Freeman. Henry Freeman looked at John Freeman in the eyes and cry falled out and said “Dad mom has dead”. John Freeman went sad at the ground then moved head real fast up.

“COMBINES YOU KILLD WIFE?” John Freeman said with growls.

“Yes John Freeman” the dark man said after “Henry Freemans mom is shot in head” the dark man said again.

“I loved wife like sun raise... DARK MAN YOU WILL SUFFAR!” John Freeman ponted and yelled.

John Freeman jumpd in to sky with kicks and hit dark man and the dark mans mask ript off and John Freeman seed ugly Combine face but it looked like humen tooo. the dark man scrumbled back to Combines and Combines went to shoot John Freeman but Henry Freeman throwed granaid for John Freeman to shot them in faces.

“Son take people and leave the city its time I have to kill the enemys and make evil go away from here forrest of time!” John Freeman said to Henry Freeman and people.

“John Freeman we fight!” people said and didnt go no where.

“Dad humens have to fight for freedome!” Henry Freeman said and didnt go no where neither.

John Freeman was fraid for first time. He didnt want nothing to happen to Henry Freeman because Henry Freeman was John Freeman saw Combines start to run like monsters to humens and Henry Freeman and saw Henry Freeman and humens run like brave to Combines. John Freeman got quiet then dropped wepon and said “I have to kill fast and bullets too slow” and started killing Combines with bear hands.

John Freeman was killing Combines and barking necks and humens and Henry Freeman was behind shooting at Combines at front. Now Combines got scarred and ranned back to the dark man who was at the door to the big tower that was big onto the sun and went around the dark man and got redy to fight again. then the dark man pressed the button that made the big tower glow and smoke.

“John Freeman you let next boss step on me and made me headcrab zombie. Combines came and put science in me and made me live and strong and big now I make you and Henry Freeman headcrab zombie. Prepair to die” Gordon Freeman said.

“Gordon Freeman you are my bro and I killed next boss. Combines science is bad and made you tricked bro stop the button and glowing.” John Freeman said.

“NO!” Gordon Freeman angered back.

Gordon Freeman teleportaled to John Freeman and hit him with crow bar and John Freeman tried to grabe it but couldnt so he punched Gordon Freeman instead. John Freeman and Gordon Freeman was fighting for life and death when the Combines and humens started shoting each other again. Henry Freeman got in front of humens and saw the tower smoke and glow more and more like litning clouds.

Henry Freeman shout “It will explod!” so Henry Freeman and the people shot bullets and bombs at Combines so humen kind could press the botton and make it stop. Then Henry Freeman went to a Combines car and shoot all the Combines in it and went to the top and used the torret gun. Henry Freeman made the torret gun shoot Combines and bullets cut them in two and half.

Henry Freeman kept shooting Combines and the rest of humens got closer and closer to button to stop it. The Combines shot at the humens and made some die but no one cared becaus they had to do it. Then Combines started coming out of the hug tower to stop the humens. There was too much Combines and humens couldnt go to the button no more and the tower was all smoke and glow now expect for a little bit.

John Freeman knew it was too late and humens couldnt stop button. John Freeman had barley time but was still fighting Gordon Freeman.

“Bro it is time Im sorry” John Freeman said to Gordon Freeman.

“time for you to die John Freeman!” Gordon Freeman said back.

“No bro” John Freeman said then kicked Gordon Freeman in teh part of the face that was like Combines.

The science flew off Gordon Freemans face and landed and blowed up in a boom and Gordon Freeman stood and fall. “Bro..” Gordon Freeman said so John Freeman got closer to the ground like Gordon Freeman.

“Combines made me tricked bro Im sorry” Gordon Freeman said.

“I know bro but you are hero” John Freeman said back to comfart Gordon.

“Save humens and Henry Freeman” Gordon Freeman said quiet like pain and breathed slower and slower

John Freeman had Gordon Freeman and saw eyes shut and the breath stoped but Gordon Freeman had smiles on face.

John Freeman let go Gordon Freeman and went up back on his feet and loked his head around and saw trees and aminals and humens then looked at glowy tower and knew what has to be done. “Son and people get back!” John Freeman said out real loud so Henry Freeman frontflipped off torret and went with people back to John Freeman and ducked bullets and rackets.

“Son take people on motorcycle and leave city. Make people safe son and nothing happen to them.” John Freeman said to Henry Freeman.

“But dad I fight!” Henry Freeman said.
“No son go with people” John Freeman said so Henry Freeman and humens went on motorcycle.

Henry Freeman started on motorcycl and started to go but slow becaus he didnt want to. the Combines saw and said “STOP THE HUMENS!” and went charge at motorcycle.

John Freeman walked to wards Combines and made fists with hands. John Freeman punchd and hit Combines in front but all Combines in back shot rockets and masheen guns. a Rocket hit John Freeman but he got up and killed more Combines then a Combine went at John Freemans back and stabed him but John Freeman got nife out and stabbed Combine in brane. Combines got close and hit John Freeman body with bullets but John Freeman kicked Combines back.

John Freeman kept fighting Combines and put head up to tower and saw it go brite and break then turned around in last second and saw motorcycle in far off safe place and was happy. Henry Freeman and the people in the motorcycle saw the tower go like millon stars and fire and loud noises then the people went down but Henry Freeman kept going and didnt say nothing.

After the world was nice and humens had new city and happy because the Combines was gone and nobody was slave or sad. President Henry Freeman and people and animals and earth had peace and in the middle of new city was a statue that said “John Freeman Saver of Humens”

THE END